Followership — It Can Be an Empowering Choice

MAY 17, 2024

Who gets to be the leader? Who gets to be the follower? These are loaded questions. And often are assigned by our social conditioning.

Roles in the workplace are packed with cultural expectations, unspoken assumptions, and family dynamics. (People bring their family of origin dynamics into the workplace. The results are rarely constructive. But that’s a topic for another post.)

I’ve used the wording “gets to be” on purpose. We can be drafted. Followership can become a reactive, reflexive, and unconscious response.

The roles of leaders and followers are fluid. We may inhabit these roles in multiple forms many times a day. They often shift from meeting to meeting and from place to place; sometimes, they overlap. Context and conditioning have an outsized influence on the formation and re-formation of roles.

Personal Story

I’ve had a series of small, uncomfortable exchanges with peers recently. They elicited an angry, visceral reaction of “You’re not the boss of me.” They all shared common elements:

• The use of the ‘supervisor’ tone of voice towards me. (I was surprised how effective this tactic was; I resisted the Pavlovian response of defaulting to the subordinate role and responding to their direction.)
• The request was extractive. The answer would require me to share information that aided their goals but not my own. (I wonder if this is the place where others assign Black women the moniker of not being ‘a team player’. This feels emotionally true and requires further exploration.)

As the anger arose, I noticed myself shutting down. My facial expression became less animated, my tone of voice became more monotone, or I remained silent. It was a dispiriting and emotionally draining exchange.

Deliberate Disruptions

What was common in each situation was an unspoken effort to ‘lead’ me without my consent.

There are tons of books, podcasts, and training on leadership (I do some of those myself), but not a lot of information on followership—at least not in an equal amount to leadership.

Other people can assign us these roles without our consent, and we unconsciously accept them and begin to behave in ways that undermine our goals and aspirations. Organizations can reflexively choose leaders who look and sound like the part but don’t have the skills or characteristics to handle the job. As a result, their goals and objectives can stall out.

Leadership roles often default to those who act confidently, speak the most, or control the agenda, such as holding the literal or metaphorical gavel.

Deliberately injecting consent whenever possible into our workplace relationships, especially those among peers, increases engagement (the parent of inclusion) into workplace cultures. The blog Therapist.com explains consent wonderfully.

What consent looks like:

• Verbal consent can range from a simple “yes” to enthusiastic agreement.
• Nonverbal consent can include body language, facial expressions, and gestures we use to clearly communicate we’re comfortable with what’s going on. Examples include nodding your head or giving a thumbs-up.
• Implied consent is a legal term. It describes situations where our actions clearly show a willingness to do something.
• Written consent—such as signing a contract or agreement—is often used in legal or official settings where documentation is needed.

What consent doesn’t look like:

• Silence or no response: Not saying “no” isn’t the same thing as saying “yes.”
• Relenting under pressure: Genuine consent can’t be given if someone feels forced or intimidated into something.
• Incapacitation: If someone is asleep, intoxicated, or otherwise impaired—for example, if they have a condition that limits their ability to understand situations or make decisions—they can’t give consent.
• Vague words or body language: Consent needs to be affirmative, enthusiastic, and clear. If someone’s body language isn’t consistent with what they’re saying, it’s not safe to assume they’ve consented.
• Lack of information: Consent requires understanding what you’re agreeing to. You can't give informed consent if relevant details aren’t shared fully with you.
• Conditional consent: “Yes, if…” or “Only if…” responses don’t constitute unconditional consent.
• Assumed consent: You can’t assume someone is okay with an activity based on their appearance, behavior, clothing, or other attributes. They need to expressly agree to it.
• Past consent: Saying yes to something once doesn’t mean it will always be okay. Consent needs to be given each time people engage in an activity together.

Guiding Questions

1.    In workplace relationships, is consent something you think about?

2.    Do you see yourself in the ‘what consent looks like’ list? If so, how?

3.    Do you see yourself in the list of what consent doesn’t look like? If so, how?

Notes:

Simply Psychology

Saul Mcleod, PhD 2/2/2024

Pavlov’s Dogs Experiment & Pavlovian Conditioning Response (simplypsychology.org)

Why consent is essential, and how to ask for it.

Therapist.com

Why consent is essential, and how to ask for it | therapist.com